The Buckeyes Broke My Heart and We Should All Feel Bad

Well here we are, back from another Thanksgiving weekend where I ate too much and the Buckeyes lost to the Wolverines again. Last year I was fortunate enough to watch the game in Mexico at a resort my wife was able to book on the cheap because we agreed to sit through a 3-hour, hardest of hard-sell timeshare presentation. It was a mistake all the way around but at least I got to sip Mezcal on the side while watching my Buckeyes lay an egg at the Big House.

But this year, baby this year I was at THE GAME. After fully embarrassing myself due to the amount of food I consumed at the Thanksgiving Dinner that we hosted for our families this year, we made the trip down to Columbus to see the annual football contest betwixt the Ohio State University and the University of Michigan.

While I am the hardiest of die-hard OSU fans, I also have a soft-spot in my heart for the state of Michigan, if not the university. Galenas has a presence in Michigan and the cannabis culture there is one which much of the country has reason to be envious. Cannabis events, cannabis business, and just the overall attitude towards cannabis is more open and rational than in a lot of other places. But I digress…

Our seats were great, the atmosphere was full of positive energy, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky at kickoff and so many legendary Buckeyes were in attendance. Over the course of about 2 hours I saw Cardale Jones, Maurice Clarett, Jim Tressel, and AJ Hawk. We rode in an elevator at the Blackwell with Eichenberger and the fact that he was wearing a cast gave us some pause, but overall it felt like the fates were on our side and the Buckeyes were going to make something special happen.

And for the first half, it all felt pretty OK. There were a few mistakes but generally we kept the game close. The offensive line gave CJ Stroud all day to throw the ball, and our wide receivers looked like they normally do. The switch to Chip Trayanum at tailback was unexpected, but he looked above-average on all of this touches so it felt like Ryan Day had a game plan and we were probably going to pull out a win in a tough contest against another very good team.

And then the 2nd half happened. I won’t do the play-by-play, it’s been done elsewhere by commentators better than me. What I will give you is my interior monologue during the big plays throughout the game.

2nd Quarter: Pass to Cornelius Johnson goes 69 yard for a touchdown. Game tied at 10-10

“Dammit we let that one get away. That is really annoying. Day is going to have to fix that missed assignment at the half.”

2nd Quarter: Pass to Cornelius Johnson goes 75 yards for a touchdown. Wolverines up 17-13

What the hell is going on? Where is the secondary!? These guys are just way out of position. We have a lot to clean up during halftime but we’re a second half team so I am pretty sure we’ll clean this up.”

3rd Quarter: Pass to Colston Loveland for 45 yards for a touchdown. 24-20

How is this happening!?!?! We’re 3 minutes into the 3rd quarter!? Another big play!? This can’t possibly continue, right??? How are we blowing our coverage this bad? Where is the zone defense? Just keep it in front of you guys! Enough with the Cover 0!”

4th Quarter. Donovan Edwards Touchdown Run of 85 yards. 38-23

“We’re going to lose again. This is terrible. I feel bad. This is somehow my fault. What did I do to deserve this? I’m sorry Ohio State, I let you down somehow. If I punish myself that will make it better. Maybe I can find someone to punch me in the face later.”

4th Quarter. Donovan Edwards Touchdown Run of 85 yards. 45-25

“Fire Ryan Day. Hire Urban back. I don’t care how many special teams players he kicks it won’t hurt as much as this. I hate myself and I hate everyone else. I’m going to spend the next 7 hours reading every bad thing Dave Portnoy has ever said about OSU. Then I’m going to tighten the cilice around my leg and self-flagellate with a barbed whip every day for the next 364 days. I want to die.